That simple but crucial insight—“the sacrifice of self discloses the Eternal’— was the esoteric insight empowering the mythology of self-sacrifice to the Great Goddess, sacrifice carried out in prayer, in contemplation, in meditative ritual and ceremony, in symbolic Mass.
(KEN WILBER, Up from Eden)

According to the Freudian approach, our dreams represent the content of our unconscious. Psychologists collect that recurring dreams are unconscious material, persistently trying to come to the surface and requiring attention, awareness, and decoding. There is no universe combination of all symbols: in a dream of one person, a snake means fear of death, in another case, the same image would be a symbol of wisdom and tranquility. In my work, as in a dream, I see recurring motifs. Unlike dreams, drawings provide an option for close examination of an image. A tissue of memories is not just an organized archive, but constantly reproducing and recording matter.
Each time a dream is observed, it changes its outlines, while a series of drawings is a chronological set of captured images. My recurring dream in the drawing is a female image. The figure itself appears surrounded by organic forms, plant elements, abstract lines, and spots. Each figure is without a face or head. Despite this, all the figures are self-portraits. Looking into the reflection, I study the recurring patterns of the drawings. While exploring symbols, I turned to Buddhist mythology. Even so, I’m not religious, I deeply resonate with the basic principles of Buddhism. The deities identified in the teachings stand out as an image and reveal multi-layered meanings and mutual transformations. I observed that Chinnamasta is quite outstanding among the variety of Buddhist goddesses. She is depicted as headless and naked. Symbolically, to be headless is to be free of thoughts, free of self-consciousness, and free of ego. She’s a goddess of transcendence and ecstatic empowerment. Christ on the cross symbolizes the transcendence of the suffering inflicted on us by the world. Her nakedness and free-flowing hair denote her rejection of societal stereotypes and her rebellious freedom, as well as her sensual aspect.

Chinnamasta, we enter again the Goddess’s dark realm of transformative terror and mystery. Chinnamasta is shiveringly awe-inspiring. Headless, she holds a cleaver in one hand and her own head, crowned with flowing hair, in the other. Three streams of blood spurt from her neck. <...> Chinnamasta—her name means “head” (Chinna) “cut off”—is naked, though her breasts and hips are covered with elaborate ornaments. Her yoni is bared, Her feet, adorned with anklets, dance on a couple locked in an embrace.

(Sally Kempton Awakening Shakti: The Transformative Power of the Goddesses of Yoga)

Captivated by the striking powerful appearance and complexity of multilayered meanings of the goddess of transcendence and ecstatic empowerment I delved into an apprehension of the meaning of all reflections of Chinnamasta’s core. At first glance, the very image of the goddess drinking her own blood is shocking and terrifying. But the Goddess itself wasn’t tormented. Her headless dance is not a representation of suffering or great pain, rather it’s breaking free of thoughts, attachments, and ego in the most radical way. The image of the goddess has become for me a reference point, a guiding star, illuminating the path. Dictating from attachments, habits to feel or react, and familiar patterns, I try to free myself from the ego armor that keeps me locked away in my little world, stigmatized by the idea of trauma.

Chinnamasta, we enter again the Goddess’s dark realm of transformative terror and mystery. Chinnamasta is shiveringly awe-inspiring. Headless, she holds a cleaver in one hand and her own head, crowned with flowing hair, in the other. Three streams of blood spurt from her neck. <...> Chinnamasta—her name means “head” (Chinna) “cut off”—is naked, though her breasts and hips are covered with elaborate ornaments. Her yoni is bared, Her feet, adorned with anklets, dance on a couple locked in an embrace.

(Sally Kempton Awakening Shakti: The Transformative Power of the Goddesses of Yoga)

Going beyond the limits of ego and everyday life is possible through an altered state of consciousness. It is also known as an oceanic state of mind. Sometimes it lasts a few moments, but in the process of drawing the time melts, deforms, and it's measured not by seconds, or hours, but with lines, and gestures. The taste of one moment influences the vision of the whole drawing, or the way life is perceived. The images captured in the drawings are portals, entry points to the state of consciousness from which they were created. Looking at my artistic practice through the image of the goddess, I define myself as someone who is cutting off her head at this given moment. I live emotions, feel my body, and my memories are like a song on repeat, at the same time I can see my processes without judgment. My head is half cut off.